Back to School, Oh, Back to School?

BY LIZ G.

Since I left college, I have been having dreams about it at least twice a week. Last night’s was particularly easy to analyze. It was move-in day, and my parents and I made our way to room 329 loaded down with my stuff. When I got there, though, there were a bunch of girls already in the room. “Yeah, this one’s full,” one said, and I turned to go.

Yesterday I realized that in two weeks I would normally be going back to school. I think this dream was my recognition of the fact that I couldn’t go back, and even if I could, it wouldn’t be the same. My freshman dorm room was 429, one number off from the room in the dream, which was filled with strangers.

I have a friend who graduated in 2008 who had just as much difficulty finding a job as I’m having. He got turned down for a position at American Eagle because he didn’t have manager experience, even though he did have a degree from one of the best colleges in the country. When he found out that that college went need-blind, he figured out that he, newly independent and broke, might be eligible for a free ride. He called the admissions office to see if he could pick up a second degree. “Sorry,” they said. “We don’t accept people who already have degrees.”

“Would you really want to do college all over again?” I asked him when he told me this story. “All your friends would be gone, and the kids would be so much younger than you.” He confessed that he didn’t know. He’ll be starting his second year teaching English in South Korea soon.

I don’t think I would want to do it all again, but damn if I don’t miss it like hell. September 1st is my scary deadline. I told myself it would be okay as long as I had a job and an apartment by then. This is because for the past four years I’ve been back at school by then, reconnecting with all of my friends, buying books, reading syllabi and gulping at the work ahead of me. Now it looks quite likely that I’ll still be here, in my parents’ house, working my way through Craigslist and The Sopranos. When you compare the two it doesn’t seem quite as ridiculous that my friend wanted to make like Billy Madison and go back to school. I’ll let you know how it goes, my first summer in eighteen years that won’t end with new pens and new teachers. Maybe he had the right idea after all.

TWITTER LIZ: @lizgalvao